Jew School 2: Electric Boogaloo

With your host Sarah Clawdine Ruach Chestenstein Goldtuchus.

Welcome to class goys.

sit your ass down, it’s time to get yid.

these lessons are charity on behalf of jews everywhere. We want the goyim to finally get it.

So today’s lesson: womanhood. let’s break it down like this:

hassidic jew womanhood: at 20, my marriage is arranged, i have to shave my head, dress like a burlap sack, and look unattractive to any man as it is the law that once i’m married i cannot arouse any other men, that means you won’t see my legs, i have to wear mu-mu’s, i’ll have 5 kids by the time i’m 25, and a breakdown by the time i’m 27. thanks for being hassidic. have a nice day.

rich jew womanhood: i’m smart, educated, materialistic, eloquent, well-dressed, judgemental, and I wear the pants in all situations. You will get me food, you will be home when I tell you, and if your my counterpart, the rich jewish man, you will believe that not only do you want this, it is your destiny. Buy me a fucking tennis bracelet bitch.

liberal jew womanhood: see also all variations on anything that favors the underdog.

diasporic jew womanhood: the only way you know i’m jewish, is i talk with my hands, i have extremely large hair, hair removal processes take up to 15 percent of my time, i love food and i’ll cut you if you try to serve me crap, i can’t tolerate weak handshakes or cold hugs, and i tear the roof off in bed. now.. there are exceptions. they all live on the west coast.

Guess which one your host is?

thankyou for attending class gentiles, you may go.