black kettle

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271 Plays
Let Me Off UptownGene Krupa and Orch / Anita O'Day & Roy Eldridge

Today’s virtual theme music thanks to all the always excellent i12 bent.

a long lost psuedo-ex has been trying to get me to goto see the muppets in theatres with him for 3 months. there is one show left in union square. I have some strange undiagnosable plague wrangling my womanly parts, and upon my overwrought admissions to him of both a 2 month scrip for percocet and a vagina that is carrying a boxcutter and wants it’s motherfucking money.

the more polite version of this exchange went something like this:

me: My feminine bits are possessed and i’m in such intense pelvic pain at this point, that i can’t walk. it’s bad. it’s really, really bad. i wince and then try to fight the wincing moment to moment. i winced to the irs caucasian barry white i’m in the middle of talking to… he seemed non-plussed.

barry: huh? I’m not blocking you. I’m not blocking anybody, never have. It could be a device thing… between my mac, my iPhone and my iPad, the program is always switching and therefore constantly logging me on and off, automatically.

Besides, why would I block you? You are the only source of sanity on the internet. Now, that being said, I still think you are a harassing pain in the ass. Anyway, I’m sure you can watch a multitude of game shows while locked up, all the while listening to the white version of Barry Manilow.

Barry: Are we ever gonna catch the Muppets? It’s still playing at Union Square. C’mon.

me: i have no idea why you’d block me, i just assumed maybe i was on your bitches not to be fucked with list or sumfin….. abbr. bntbfw. btw…the short answer for the muppets, is that without a wheelchair and a morphine drip, no can do.

(via i12bent)

Source: milvertons